99 problems but a beach ain't one...

Over the last week Ireland has gotten it’s sliver of sunlight that comes and goes once or twice a year. And like every year since I moved here, I became overly excited and have gotten my hopes up by the sky gods’ cruel joke. Sunlight to us is like being a child who’s been shown a candy bar and then having it held just above our reach at the last second. However, the sun in Dublin has lasted long enough for me to daydream about an Irish summer where men walked around confidently and warm in their swimwear. More importantly, it’s lasted long enough for me to convince my boyfriend that we needed to invest in new swimsuits.

This led to quite a lot of (cough) research on my part, and low and behold I’ve narrowed down my list of favourite swim trunks to 5. Now guys, you might think most of these are fairly racy, but considering the flimsy string bikinis that we’re expected to wear, I would ask that you give them a chance. I don’t mind being eye candy for my boyfriend as long as he’s willing to give me an eyeful in return. You’d be surprised guys, a little quid pro quo can go a long way. And with that, I give you my picks for the 5 sexiest male swimsuits of 2013 (in no particular order).

This nautical striped club trunk from Mr. Turk does funny things to me. Apart from looking like the male counterpart to a certain suit worn by Ms. Ursula Andress, this trunk has perfectly placed stripes in an eye-catching orange. Yes please! It was hard for me to pick out my favourite from this site, because their entire range of swimwear is just stunning to be honest. Expensive, but stunning.

Mr Turk

Continuing on with the nautical theme, we have a pair of fine stripe blue and white shorts from Ted Baker. It’s still super sexy, but far more appropriate if you’re going to be wearing them in a more family oriented location. I really can’t stand those knee length baggy surf shorts that have cursed our beaches since the 90’s and haven’t gone away. These provide the necessary coverage while still showing off a bit of leg. Believe it or not lads, women like it when you get your pins out too. Ted Baker

If you’re feeling a bit more daring, this classic brief in burgundy from Aussiebum is the suit for you. Its genius is in its simplicity really. I think I might be entirely too biased towards this suit because its slideshow on the page shows guys rowing (I have a massive lady-boner for rowers). On top of that, all their products are made in Australia (hooray for properly paid workers), and they offer free worldwide postage.


Now if you like the idea of free postage, but you’re too excited about flaunting your bulge at the beach (or just pottering around the house making tea for your girlfriend, which is also acceptable) to wait for your suit to arrive from Australia, you should have a look at local retailer, Alpha Male Undies, and in particular, this gorgeous purple trunk. This reminds me of so many old photos from the 40’s and 50’s and Elvis Presley movies set in Hawaii. Alpha Male Undies

Last but certainly not least we have Oiler and Boiler’s modern take on the vintage Hawaiian print with this drawstring short. We’ve seen neons come back in a massive way in the past couple of years, but this uses them in a more subtle, understated way that does not distract from the more important things. And if you are more susceptible to beach boner than most, this one probably has the best waistband out of the whole lot for hiding it. ASOS also provide free worldwide shipping on these.

oiler and boiler Palm print 52-52

And there you have it! Now in the spirit of fairness and equality, lads, I want you all to buy yourselves something wholly indecent and start praying for more sun. And don’t forget the SPF 30!