On Friday Janelle Monáe released her much anticipated concept album, Dirty Computer, along with an accompanying 45 minute sci-fi “emotion picture” of the same name. I felt an instant connection with the album from the moment she presented us with the first two singles “Make Me Feel” and “Django Jane”, and salivated as she drip-fed us the juicy, poppy “Pynk” and smooth R&B vocals of “I Like That.” When I awoke Friday morning and realised the Emotion Picture was available on Youtube, I was ready to feast!
The film is as rich and vibrant visually as the album is sonically. While grappling with similar themes as The Handmaid’s tale, Dirty Computer stands out with a much more deliciously futuristic-kitsch universe closer in style to The Fifth Element, Total Recall, or Super Mario Brothers; and its Afro-futuristic, feminist take on the dystopian sci-fi genre is beautifully unapologetic. I’m not just talking about those striking grapefruit-coloured vulva pants either, which have become the most iconic look from the film.
In the film, we see Monae’s “Jane57821” captured by a governmental/religious organisation in a dystopian future who subdue non-conformers - in the film referred to as “dirty computers” - by digitally erasing their memories. As her memories are deleted one by one by 2 white men in white suits sipping coffee behind a computer console, a love story unfolds between her and a girl named Zen (played by her rumoured real-life girlfriend, Tessa Thompson) and a young man named Ché (played by Jayson Aaron). This serves as a framework for the album’s 4 stand-alone music videos.
Janelle is able to say so much about the way queer women of colour are viewed in our society just by being joyfully defiant with her aesthetic at every turn. We have seen it before with her other albums, but Dirty Computer has taken that life-affirming rebellion into the stratosphere. Scenes of Jane and her “highly melanated” friends cruising in a pink, floating convertible wearing all studded black leather, fishnets, and fingerless gloves; shots of underwear with slogans saying “Sex Cells,” and “I grab back”, with mountains of pubic hair bursting out from every corner; and the green and red power suits with her army of dancers in the “Django Jane” video. The number of times I found myself squealing with happiness at a visual moment during the film are too many to count.
This is coupled with equally subversive and massively quotable lyrics throughout. Again there were too many to count, but here are a few of my favourites:
“Remember when they told you I was too black for ya, and now my black poppin’ like a bra strap on ya!”
“Hundred men telling me to cover up my areolas while they block equal pay, sipping on they coca-cola.”
“And we gon’ start a motherfuckin’ pussy riot or we gon’ have to put ‘em on a pussy diet.”
When it comes to race there are many comparisons that can be drawn with Beyoncé’s Lemonade, but Dirty Computer is an absolute triumph of black queerness that celebrates the female body, friendships, and romance in a way that I have never seen in mainstream pop-culture, especially when it comes to its focus on bisexuality and non-monogamy. It fiercely kicks down the closet doors by offering positive representation where there wasn’t much before, and if there was, the representatives were almost 100% white. The album and film show us how far we’ve come in the past 25 years. I highly recommend watching Dirty Computer back-to-back with Can I Be Me?, a documentary about Whitney Houston’s life and career. Whitney Houston was forced into a box, her music and persona made to be more palatable to a white audience, and hounded by the media for her suspected romantic relationship with her best friend. I couldn’t help but wonder if Whitney were alive today, what she would have to say about Dirty Computer?
The other huge thing that jumped out at my whilst watching was how close to home it felt. While I’m sure it wasn’t Monae’s intention, the release of Dirty Computer feels especially timely here in Ireland four weeks out from the referendum on the 8th Amendment. The scenes where Jane is being told she is “dirty” and needs to be “cleaned” by the voice of a mother superior-type character is haunting to watch in a country that still feels the effects of the Magdalene laundries and mother & baby homes. Those painful ripples still reach across time, pulsating as we near a vote that may or may not give women in Ireland a right to bodily autonomy.
Back in September Charlie Brooker accepted the Emmy Award for Outstanding Television Movie for San Junipero. It was one of the few moments of 2017 that brought me pure joy, not to be outdone of course by the first time I watched the Black Mirror episode a few months previous and had to physically remove myself from my sitting room so I could ugly-cry into a pile of pillows. San Junipero’s win at the Emmys felt like a small hopeful triumph in the midst of a very bleak year. But as Brooker and producer Annabel Jones have taught us time and time again, we can never be complacent. We must continue to question and ask “what if,” even of stories and concepts we love.
The recurring theme throughout season 4 of Black Mirror uses the idea at the centre of San Junipero - transferring and storing human consciousness - to disassemble and examine the concept of love itself. It asks why we love the people we love and how do we express it? Is love ultimately selfless or selfish or perhaps both?
This plays out beautifully in the episodes that revolve around the relationships between parents and their children. In Arkangel we see a mother, desperate to shield her only daughter from harm, using an app-controlled implant to literally filter out any disturbing visuals or sounds. As expected this ultimately comes with tragic consequences. Conflict arises in USS Callister when it is revealed that one of the long-suffering crew members of a simulated space adventure game refuses to mutiny against their emotionally stunted, tyrannical captain in order to protect his 6-year-old son from being copied into the game and killed over and over again. His decision in the end, to suffer a most painful fate to save his son and fellow simulated crew members, is one of the most touching moments of the season.
Within most of the season the warning is loud and clear: beware the consequences of nuerotechnology. However the warning from one episode very much came from the audience’s reaction to it. Acting as a buffer between 2 very violent episodes and nestled in exactly the same point in the season as San Junipero, Hang the DJ is season 4’s romantic love story. On the surface it’s sexy, funny, and hopeful. I watched it on New Year’s Eve, alone and single in my bedroom with a cup of tea, and it filled me with the same warm fuzzies as it did with most everyone. Despite not believing in the idea that there is 1 person out there that we are meant to be with, I felt a sickly sweet yearning for the kind of love that makes you want to leave everything you’ve ever known behind and scale a 1000ft wall in a dress.
In the other episodes it’s much easier to make a moral judgement call or at least see where the characters made misguided choices: Rolo Haynes in “Black Museum” was a corrupt scumbag of the highest order; Mia in “Crocodile,” while attempting to save her family from being torn apart by past decisions, violently destroys someone else’s; Bella in “Metalhead” risks her life in an attempt to retrieve a host to store her child’s consciousness in.
Side note: Kudos to Brooker for making us all terrified of those robotic animals we all found so fun and cute on Youtube.
But because we’re so in love with love, with the promise that we can defeat the system by finding that 1 true person out of 7 billion that we’re meant to be with, we’re somehow able to ignore and even celebrate the fact that the protagonists killed 1000 sentient versions of themselves for the sake of 1 date. They made them live 1000’s of years worth of repeated heartache, breakups, joy, misery, monotony, good sex, bad sex, the works all on their behalf so that they could rely on an algorithm and not have to go through all those experiences themselves. No their deaths may not have been violent ones, but all those copies of Frank and Amy were essentially farmed for their emotional data and disposed of when the system got what it needed.
The thing about love, in all its forms, is that it is dependent on personal growth to succeed. It is challenging at the best of times. To be a good partner to someone is to bring all the wonderful things about yourself and your experiences to the table and to have learned from past mistakes. Love is making compromises and supporting one another. The tragedy is that the Frank and Amy copies learned that for themselves and were deleted out of existence before they could spend their lives together, while the original Frank and Amy are presumably ignorant as to why they make a 99.8% match in the first place. We reflect that ignorance when we watch something like Hang the DJ and not think about the ethics at the heart of it, whilst judging other characters in the series for making similar choices.
Hang the DJ isn’t my favourite episode of the series, but of all of them it is the one that kept me up late on New Years Eve questioning my own feelings and emotional response and wondering: “if I had the opportunity to sacrifice myself 1000 fold for a gamble on love, would I?”
Touché, Brooker. Touché.
]]>At the end of the workshop during the Q&A, one young woman asked what advice I have for someone who isn't currently sexually active and doesn't have much experience - how can they best prepare themselves for when they eventually are in bed with someone?
I love this question on so many levels! Firstly the person who asked it was so warm and confident. She wasn't afraid to raise her hand in front of a group of peers and be open about not having much practical experience. This is so encouraging as I've spoken with several lecturers and counsellors who lament that students are having more and riskier sex than they are personally ready for, because they believe everyone in their peer group is up to the same activities.
Secondly it shows that you can have in interest in advocating for yourself sexually even when you aren't currently sexually active. This part is key. Most of us will have sexual relationships with other people at some point in our lives, but to make those experiences as positive and fulfilling as possible, we first need to have open communication with ourselves about our wants & desires as well as our take-it-or-leave-its & hard no's.
We also need to accept that the older we get, our tastes may change. What turned us on when we were 20, mightn't turn us on when we're 35 or 55. You might have something that grossed you out in college, but after going through a hormonal change through medication or pregnancy or menopause, it might turn out to be your number 1 kink!
Because of this it's so important keep up with the theory, even if you're not currently working on the practical. It means that you'll be more prepared and better able to articulate your desires to a partner when the time comes. With that in mind here's a few of my favourite resources whether you're currently sexually active or just wanting to learn and discover more:
Oh Joy Sex Toy - You've probably seen me mention her before, but I'm not going to stop anytime soon. Cartoonist Erika Moen along with her husband, Matt, create this weekly webcomic which features beautifully illustrated sex toy reviews, sex education, interviews with people in the sex industry. She also frequently has guest artists on to share their expertise and erotic stories.
Roe McDermott - Roe is a spectacular Irish writer and now advice columnist for the Irish Times. She just arrived back from completing her MA in Sexuality Studies at San Francisco State University, and she is currently working on her PhD through Oxford. She has a brilliant way of tackling challenging and complex topics and giving answers that are full of empathy, wisdom and wit.
Dan Savage - I have been listening to Dan's podcast and reading his column for over 10 years now. He has done so much in 25 years to demystify sex and bring the work of other great advice columnists, researchers, porn stars, sex workers, and activists to the masses. I am completely aware that some of the things he has said in those 25 years have been problematic, but at it's core I have found his message to be a positive one. If you don't have time to listen to the podcast every week, this brilliant 40 minute talk he gave earlier this year sums up his important main points.
Come as You Are - This is Dr. Emily Nagoski's book which takes all the research we've done in the past 20 years or so (there wasn't much if any done before then) on the female sexual response and makes it very easy to read and accessible for everyone even if you're not much of a sciency person. Most importantly it assures the reader that "Yes. You and your body and how it responds is completely normal!"
Vibrator Nation - This amazing book by Dr. Lynn Comella is a love letter to all the fabulous feminist sex toy retailers and manufacturers who have helped reshape an entire industry which used to be completely male-dominated. The reason we have such a demand for bodysafe materials and better technology today is really down to a handful of these female pioneers who insisted on educating their customers and not settling for inferior products.
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I started Sex Siopa nearly 5 years ago for 2 reasons: 1) The sex shops here in Ireland couldn't provide the kind of comfortable, shame-free shopping experience I was looking for as a customer and 2) there wasn't a single shop that sold exclusively bodysafe toys and accessories. For more information about what I mean when I say "bodysafe," have a look at my Bodysafe Toys page.
I've spent the last number of years giving talks across the country about the importance of buying toys that are safe for internal use, because sadly due to a lack of regulation within the industry, that is a conversation we need to have. But I am nowhere near the first person to be shouting about toy design and manufacturing from the rooftops. I got my inspiration from a handful of feminist shops in the States like Babeland, Smitten Kitten, and Good Vibrations whose hard work and bravery in what was a completely male-dominated industry paved the way for younger shops like mine.
Dr. Lynn Comella, Associate Professor of Gender and Sexuality studies at the University of Nevada, has written a book called Vibrator Nation as a love letter to these trailblazing shops and a number of manufacturers. It details the history of feminist sex shops starting in the 1970s and is packed with stories and interviews from small business owners all the way up to the present.
I've never been so excited for a non-fiction book to be released. This is the story of my industry, the story of people who I admire greatly and have been inspired by. If you would like to learn more about the sex toy industry and specifically why I do what I do, you're in luck! Vibrator Nation is on it's way to Ireland at the moment, and I'm currently taking pre-orders for €22. Once they arrive however, they'll go up to their regular price of €25. The books are estimated to arrive by the end of September, and I'll post them out as soon as they do. To get your pre-order, click here.
]]>Netflix’s The Incredible Jessica James starring the incomparable Jessica Williams, is a love story, the kind of love story that young women like myself have needed for quite some time. The start of the film finds our hero Jessica, a struggling playwright and theatre teacher, just after breaking up with a long-term boyfriend. While romantic love helps nudge the story along with help from Chris O’Dowd’s character, Boone [Ok just as a quick sidenote - I’m not sure when O’Dowd’s transition from “IT Crowd guy” to Hollywood leading man happened, but I am 100% here for it!], romance is just one small facet of this wonderful, charming film. Jessica says as much in the opening scene to her clammed up, nervous Tinder date:
“I think it’s really dangerous to seek personal fulfillment through romantic relationships.”
The statement is played for irony, as Jessica’s actions will later prove in the scene, but it sets the tone and tells you exactly the purpose of the film. Like I said this is a love story, but not just about romance. The Incredible Jessica James gives equal time and runs the gambit of all the important relationships we have in our mid-20’s - partners, friendship, family, work. I especially loved the bond between her and her students. The joy she has for theatre is truly crystallised through her commitment to those kids and how she interacts with them. There’s also hilarious moments that deal with struggling to get along and relate to your suburban family when you live in an urban centre and work in a creative field.
But more than anything, I was overjoyed by the way sex was talked about and depicted in the film… so much so that I literally jumped off the couch to do a little dance of excitement. As someone who has long lamented the trope of only ever showing or implying penis-in-vagina sex in cinema, I was immensely excited by how much time was given to gorgeous, sex-positive dialogue. Jessica’s best friend Tasha, played by Master of None’s Noël Wells, is the masturbation enthusiast after my own heart. They have a full 30 second conversation about which vibrator is the best vibrator.
“You have more than one vibrator?”
“Has one man ever fulfilled ALL of your needs?”
This is EXACTLY how I feel about sex toys. Toys aren’t replacing anyone, and there isn’t just one toy that is the be all and end all of all sex toys. It’s more like getting a load of tapas and trying different things or going for ice-cream and getting 2 or 3 scoops of different flavours. Apologies for the food-related metaphors; I’m very hungry whilst writing this.
Later on in an act of the most pure gal-friendship, Jessica buys Tasha a new vibrator, a Minna Ola, which she gleefully clutches with both hands.
“Oh my god it’s an Ola! It captures and replays your vibration patterns. I think I’m gonna cry.”
The sex, and more importantly the conversations leading up to the sex between Jessica and Boone are delightful. They’re sweet and awkward. They admit that the emotions we have around breakups and exes are complicated, especially in an age of social media where Instagram lurking is common practice. They work through these chats and eventually come to some lovely, frank bedroom negotiation. I won’t spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t seen the film, but any dope who says that asking for consent ruins the mood needs to sit down and learn from these scenes. As a woman who has endured a lifetime of watching men take the lead in bed on screen, it was nothing short of joyful to see an egalitarian back and forth between the sheets, where both parties take turns asking each other how they like to be touched. It wasn’t just sweet, it was hot!
Overall I felt The Incredible Jessica James did a brilliant job of capturing the messy complexities of being a young woman in the 21st century. Instead of going down the path of making Jessica a moody, forlorn millennial-type, Jessica Williams and writer Jim Strouse created a role model with humanity - a woman of colour who is confident and vivacious from the get-go, even just out of a breakup, and who matures and grows from all the loves in her life, not just the romantic ones. Please go watch it.
]]>The Laya II is the improved and upgraded version of Fun Factory's best seller, The Laya. As the name suggests, it's a vibrator that you can lay on top of which really comes in handy for folks who prefer to masturbate on their front. I've gotten comments that it looks a bit like a bicycle saddle, but the Laya II is actually much smaller and fits comfortably in the palm of your hand. Like all of Fun Factory's vibrators, you switch it on by hitting the "FUN" button, and it has super simple "+" & "-" buttons to control the vibration speed. I also really love it, because it's incredibly quiet. You're not going to disturb the other hotel guests with this vibe! It's also waterproof and comes with a USB magnetic charger.
I just got the Iroha Stick in the other day, and it's so cool! It's a beginners vibrator that looks a bit like coral lip stick, though lip stick vibes are almost never the same size as an actual lip stick. It has a soft, silicone tip that's forked at the end for extra teasing. It would also make an excellent vibrator for someone who wants to explore a bit of shallow vaginal insertion or tease around the anus. The Iroha Stick takes 1 AAA battery, which is included, and instead of using buttons, it has a smooth up-and-down dial on the bottom.
Fun Factory keep knocking it out of the park with their new toys this past year or two and the Bootie Ring is no exception. They have taken the Bootie, everyone's favourite go-to butt plug, and have added a cock ring to it. There's even a raised area in the middle that massages your perineum. "But why do you need them all connected together?" I hear you ask. Well that's easy: having them all connected into one toys means that as your body tenses and releases, the Bootie ring will tug and massage all the right places, increasing your pleasure and causing you to tense and release even more like a sexy feedback loop. It is so beautifully designed - for pleasure, comfort, and aesthetic. It's modest enough in size that I'm happy recommending it to beginners, but I genuinely think this toy would keep even the most experienced enthusiast happy.
Lubricant
I've also made sure to get in travel sized bottles of lubricant that can be brought along in your carry-on bags. There's 50ml bottles of Yes Water-based and 60ml bottles of Sliquid H2o and Sliquid Silk. Whether you're going sun-seeking or staying at home, I hope you all have a fabulously sexy Summer!
]]>May is Masturbation Month, which may sound like some makey-uppy awareness-raising holiday created by us sex shops to sell more sex toys, and you’d be partly correct. However Masturbation Month is incredibly important, not least of all because of its origins.
In 1993 Dr Joycelyn Elders, a pediatric endocrinologist and professor of pediatrics at the University of Arkansas Medical Center, was appointed U.S. Surgeon General by then president Bill Clinton. She was a bold choice for Clinton. Not only was she the first African American and 2nd ever female Surgeon General, she also held very progressive and controversial views for the times, mainly regarding drug legalisation and comprehensive sex education in schools. While Clinton wanted to be seen as tough on crime, she argued that the best way to reduce drug-related crime was to legalise drugs, and that the best way to reduce teenage pregnancy was to provide contraception in schools.
When her son Kevin was convicted later that same year of selling cocaine to undercover officers, she lost many of her supporters. Then in 1994 at a United Nations conference on AIDS, Dr Elders was asked if promoting masturbation to young people would be an appropriate means for preventing riskier sexual behavior. She responded “I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." Dr Elders was later forced to resign by President Clinton.
In response, San Francisco’s world-famous education-based sex shop, Good Vibrations, began celebrating Masturbation Month - both in celebration of Dr Elders courageous work which ultimately cost her her job, and to promote the safest, healthiest form of sex you can have. Since 1995 Masturbation Month has grown into an international awareness month with countless shops and healthcare professionals participating.
As it’s May, I’d encourage you all to take some time out of your busy days to spend some time masturbating, whether that’s with sex toys or without. Get to know your body or try something new. In the words of Good Vibrations “Masturbation can be a radical act.”
And not to worry about Dr. Jocelyn Elders. She's still killing it, giving lectures about teen pregnancy and advocating for comprehensive sex education in schools.
]]>So why are men suddenly enjoying strap-on sex all of a sudden? Well we need to take a few things into account.
So if you yourself are new to the ways of the strap-on and not sure which toy would suit you, allow me to assist. I've put together a list my favourite dildos that you can use alone or in a strap-on harness.
The Tantus Silk dildos are by far the most newbie friendly. The small is about the size of a finger and comes with an extra wide base. It's great for going slow and testing the waters without being intimidating. It's only drawback is that because it's so thin, it might wander in the harness a bit if you don't have a small o-ring to fit it through. The Medium size is the next step up and is about double the diameter of the small, and a little bit longer.
I love the Fun Factory Amor dildo, because it's one you can use to explore on your own before using with a partner. The wide, flexible base acts as a suction cup so you can try it out in a warm shower or bath. The shape of the base also makes it super comfy for the harness wearer. While the girth is fairly average size, the length is a bit shorter, so it's excellent for beginners.
However if you love the base of the Amor and you prefer your dildos a little longer, you should go for the Fun Factory Magnum. It's a similar, semi-realistic shape to the Amor, but with an elongated size.
BS Atelier make beautiful, hand-poured silicone sex toys, and their Alex dildo is no exception. It's an average size with a stylised realistic shape. The pronounced head means it hits just the right spot for both prostate and g-spot stimulation. And if you need a bit of inspiration for using it, the Alex is featured in Erika Lust's first Xconfessions dvd.
Tantus Ripple
If you love the feeling of anal beads, but wish you could get that sensation from harness play, check out the Tantus Ripple. It comes in 2 sizes - Small and Large. The graduated beads are flexible but firm, and it has a wide base, so it works well in a harness. The lovely thing about this toy is that it encourages you to go slow and work your way up to the bigger beads.
If you have any questions about these toys or any others that you're curious about, please feel free to give me a shout at hello@sexsiopa.ie.
]]>(We-Vibe Nova)
However there was one element that I wasn’t entirely keen on - the app. I’ve never been a huge fan of remote control and app-controlled toys. I completely understand the benefit of using it with someone if you’re in a long-distance relationship, but for me vibrator apps feel much more like a gimmick than something people would use on a regular basis. I’ve written about this before when the “Lovely” cock ring was launched. Though the We-Vibe app isn’t nearly as obnoxious, it still wasn’t necessary to make these great toys. They were already great without it.
Fast forward to last August when 2 hackers from New Zealand gave a talk at DefCon about how We-Vibe’s “We-Control” app and others like it, are notoriously insecure. Not only that, but We-Vibe’s parent company, Standard Innovation, had been using the app to collect marketing information like amount of time used, vibration intensity, and creepiest of all - vibrator temparature. Although the company’s president Frank Ferrari has said “Our reason for collecting CPU temperature data is purely for hardware diagnostic purposes …” it still never sat well with me. Maybe it’s the fact that all this information was effectively buried deep into their privacy policy where no one would read it. In any case, I made the decision to pull my 2 favourite vibrators of 2016 from Sex Siopa’s virtual shelves till We-Vibe created better software or ditched the app altogether.
Apparently I wasn’t the only person who felt this way, because yesterday it was announced that Standard Innovations have been ordered by a judge to payout $4 million to customers who bought and used their vibrators with the app as part of their settlement in a class action lawsuit.
It is my hope that We-Vibe learn from this. They are an exceptional brand who have made some great toys. However while I’m hopeful that they’ll take better care in future when developing their apps and work towards better transparency with their privacy policy, I find myself left with more questions about the wider world of smart technology. How much privacy are we willing to give up in exchange for convenience? Do we really need a fridge knows when you’re low on milk and orders more for you? Or a toilet that tests your waste and contacts your doctor if it detects a problem? I often wonder how much more targeted advertising can I possibly be subjected to, before I go certifiably insane.
Clearly there has been a line drawn - people do not want their sex lives snooped on by a company’s marketing department, but what about all the other intimate aspects of our lives that we take for granted? I think it’s fantastic that the class action lawsuit against We-Vibe was successful, but would it have been if it were filed against the likes of Apple, Google, or Facebook? Surely they have much more information about the intimate details of our personal and financial lives and a far more impenetrable privacy policy.
The hackers who first revealed the issues with We-Vibe’s app, “goldfisk” and “follower”, created their own initiative - the Private Play Accord - in order to get sex toy manufacturers to commit to more transparent privacy policies. I think it may be time to start expected this of all companies with smart products.]]>Tomorrow Sex Siopa will be participating in the Strike 4 Repeal. Since the beginning, Sex Siopa has been a advocate and supporter of Equality, Sexual Health, and Human Rights. Sadly though, in Ireland women do not have full bodily autonomy. The 8th amendment in our constitution places equal value to the life of a woman and her unborn foetus. Reducing the complexities of reproductive healthcare to one sentence in the constitution is our country's lingering disgrace and has caused both mental and physical harm and distress to countless women across Ireland from every background.
We will be closed for business tomorrow as we stand in solidarity with the thousands of others on International Women's Day fighting to repeal the 8th amendment. For more information on how you can participate (you don't necessarily have to take a day off work), check out the Strike 4 Repeal Facebook page.
If you are currently shopping for a sex toy and want to do your bit for the cause, please consider purchasing one of our custom, hand-made tricolour dildos with €15 from each sale being donated to the Abortion Rights Campaign.
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(I'm wearing my Pearl of Wisdom pin all week)
A couple weeks ago I was in the pub with some friends when the topic of pap smears came up (as they are want to do of a Friday night). I found myself in shock as a number of these women - all massively intelligent, educated and sex positive - had either never had a smear test or had only gone for one and never went back. When asked about their reasons why, they told me fear of pain, time & inconvenience, and embarrassment were contributing factors.
The last week of January marks the European Cervical Cancer Prevention Week, and in conjunction the Irish Family Planning Association has once again launched their Pearl of Wisdom campaign to raise awareness of the National Cervical Screening Programme. Thanks to this programme, every woman in the country aged 25 to 60 can get her smear tests done for free every three years from one of over 4,500 doctors who are registered with CervicalCheck.
So if it’s free and only needs to be done once every 3 years, why are women still hesitant to get it done? We go to the dentist once or twice a year, and depending on how well you take care of your teeth, that is arguably far more unpleasant. We’ve made great strides to address issues around mental health in Ireland, especially with young men in recent years. However according to the IFPA, “Each year about 300 women in Ireland are diagnosed with cervical cancer and over 90 lives are lost.”
Every year.
As much as we’ve grown and matured as a country, it’s hard not to notice that we still have difficulty speaking about sexual health in a way that’s not about theoretical consequences. We talk about 300 women each year, but who are these women? I personally know at least 3 of them, and you probably do too, but the difficulty is that often times due to feelings of shame or embarrassment, many of these women don’t feel comfortable sharing their stories. I have 2 friends who swore me to secrecy never to tell anyone about their surgeries, so as not to kick up a fuss. But a fuss on a national scale is what is needed to get those numbers down.
We need to start talking about cervical cancer and pre-cancer as commonly and openly as we do about getting dental work done, and not just during Cervical Cancer Prevention Week. The CervicalCheck website is a fabulous resource for information, and to check when you’re due for your next screening (mine’s in June of next year), but we all have a role to play here. I wonder if my friends who have had cervical cancer treatments had been in the pub that Friday night to hear that conversation, would have felt confident enough to speak up about their experiences. Would my other friends have felt inspired to ring their doctors and book an appointment?
And from a systemic point of view, I wonder if more could be done by doctors to reach out to their patients in a positive way? Are reminder cards or texts being sent out? Are free sexual health talks available for people to attend? How are GP’s, nurses, and consultants keeping up with new technology and ways of communication? In an era of “Alternative facts” and fake news, it is especially necessary for experts and health care professionals to get ahead of the communication curve when it comes to promoting women’s health.
According to The Times, the Irish Cancer Society estimates that roughly 15,000 HPV (human papilloma virus) vaccinations were refused last year. Gardisil, the vaccine’s brand name, protects against the most common strains of cervical cancer and genital warts. Gardisil and regular screening are the most effective, reliable prevention techniques we have, but thanks to widespread anti-vaccination campaigns many women’s lives are being put at risk.
This year for Cervical Cancer Prevention week and the Pearl of Wisdom Campaign and beyond, I would love for us all to think about, not just getting a screening for ourselves, but how we can encourage others in our lives to do the same and to get the Gardisil jab. I would love for healthcare professionals to think about how they can go that extra mile to make their patients feel comfortable so that they will continue to come back for screenings every 3 years.
This is something that is very achievable, and if we all work together to chip away at it, we can bring that number of cervical cancer deaths down significantly. ]]>Anal play can be intensely pleasurable for a lot of people. There are heaps of nerve endings in the anus, so it’s no surprise that many of us like to incorporate that in our sex lives, either on our own or with a partner(s). If you’re new to it though, anal play can feel a little intimidating. You mightn’t know where to start or what kinds of sex toys to use. The anus and rectum are very sensitive and if you don’t take the proper precautions or try to do too much, too fast, you can hurt yourself. That’s why I’ve put together this short anal guide for beginners.
Firstly before you go putting ANYTHING in your bum, you’ll need to get yourself a good lubricant that is made with anal play in mind. Our butts don’t self lubricate the way vaginas and mouths do, so it’s important to use it liberally. I recommend either Sliquid Sassy, a long lasting water based lubricant that can be used with all toys and condoms, or Sliquid Silk, a super slippery silicone hybrid lube that can be used with condoms and any non-silicone toys. Make sure never to use silicone lube with silicone toys as the silicone oil my degrade the silicone toy.
Once you have your lube situation sorted out, start slow. Really slow. The last thing you want to do is scare yourself off butt sex, because you pushed yourself too far and too fast at the start. I always tell people to start off on your own with no toys. Use a bit of lubricant and your index finger to explore the area and figure out what feels good to you. When you’re ready to move on, make sure to get a bodysafe toy with a base that is wide enough that the whole thing won’t slip inside you. The general rule is that the base should be the widest point on any anal toy. Here are 4 fabulous toys that I love for beginners.
This is by far my most popular and beloved butt toy. It’s small and friendly-looking, and the way it’s designed with the bulbous end at the top means that it’s much more comfortable putting in and taking out. It should also stay in place better. It’s made from a lovely, flexible silicone and has a very clever base that sits neatly between your butt cheeks. You can get the small Bootie on it’s own or if you want to work your way up to more intermediate toys or anal intercourse, you can also get the Bootie set which comes with 3 different sizes.
If you think you’d like something just a tad bigger with a firmer silicone - sometimes a firmer silicone can be better for prostate stimulation - you might prefer the Tente plug by Spanish silicone studio, BS Atelier. The shape is slightly different from the Bootie, with the bulbous end tilted the opposite way, and the base is much thicker.
This is the slimmest of all the plugs that I sell. If you’re in anyway intimidated by wide plugs or want to use something similar in size to a finger, I highly recommend the Perfect Plug. It has a slim, but flared base like the Bootie, and like all our plugs is made from 100% bodysafe silicone. The Perfect Plug is beloved by lots of trusted sex bloggers too. When you’re ready to upgrade, there’s the vibrating Tantus Perfect Plug Plus.
The last plug I want to share is a rather unexpected one for most people. The Njoy Pure Plug is made from beautiful, polished medical grade stainless steel. The hard material sometimes scares people off, but it’s a fantastic beginners toy, so hear me out. Because it’s got a satin finish, Njoy plugs are easier than most to ease into the body, and you need less lubricant with them. It has a looped base so you have much more control over it, and it’s weightiness means you’ll feel nicely filled, but not uncomfortable. I currently stock the small and medium sizes.
If you have any questions about any of these or any other toys on the site, please feel free to get in touch. I’m happy to make recommendations.
hello@sexsiopa.ie]]>Here at Sex Siopa HQ, I'm gearing up for the holiday season! I've bought loads of pretty Christmas wrap and plenty of ribbon. This Sunday the 27th, I'll be selling my wares at the Illuminaughty Holiday Market in the Liquor Rooms from 6-11pm. I couldn't think of a better place for a bit of weekend evening shopping. Grab a fancy cocktail while you have a browse of all the stalls. It's free in, and there'll be loads of vintage and alternative fashions, arts, crafts, burlesquey things, and of course plenty of sex toys from myself.
I'm also offering a special 10% off for people who preorder their toys on SexSiopa.ie to collect at the Illuminaughty Market. Just use the code MARKET10 at checkout, and I'll have your Christmas pressies all gift wrapped and waiting for you on the night. Please remember though that this code is ONLY for people collecting at the market. If you cannot make it in, you'll be asked to pay full price before it can be shipped to you.
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It's always been my goal with Sex Siopa to not just exist as a retail shop, but to also use it as a platform to promote sex positivity and to educate. Like most people in their 30's, podcasts have taken over as my main source of daily entertainment. I love the freedom it provides for both storytelling and journalism, and it was a medium I was very curious to explore for myself. So when HeadStuff.org approached me to develop a sex podcast with them, I was only too delighted!
We live in a very interesting time where we're the most sexually liberated and open we've ever been, and yet there's still so much work to be done both in Ireland and abroad to ensure sexual freedoms and bodily autonomy for everyone. To understand how to move forward, I wanted to explore the stories of how we got here in the first place - Our Sexual History.
The podcast will go out monthly, with the first episode being released this Sunday the 16th! Have a listen to the trailer, and be sure to subscribe on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts.
]]>Last night I was delighted to present a talk for HeadStuff's new lecture series in the Workman's Club here in Dublin. 6 people speak for 10 minutes each on any subject of their choice. I learned so much from talks about comics to failed Victorian expeditions to Africa and about how fucked up Irish mythology is. I personally gave a brief history of the word "cunt," which I'll soon post here when the video is available.
There was one talk though that stuck out for me as the highlight of the evening - Tara Flynn's "Can you see me?" She spoke about ageism and how it's used to silence and make invisible women who are past their "sell by" date - which of course is continually getting younger and younger; about being passed up for jobs, ignored by bartenders, and disrespected by random strangers on public transport.
I loved her beautifully open and unashamed way of talking about ageism and how it relates to sex (a gal after my own heart, I tell ya!). The way she described older women having sex and giving blowjobs was tremendously funny, not least of all because it forced the audience to face their own socialised ageism as they laughed at both their uncomfortableness with the subject and the serious truth at the heart of it.
Tara so often puts her kind, warm face and soothing radio-friendly voice (I honestly wish she did books on tape and guided meditation cd's to fall asleep to) with stories that tackle difficult social issues like racism and abortion. This juxtaposition works to great effect and helps to bring people along and lull them into a sense of false security before dropping truth bombs all over their lives.
And the truth here and globally is that ageing women are not seen as sexual beings, as role models or as anything really, because they aren't seen full stop. There is far less representation of women over 40 now than there was over 20 years ago. An audience member reminded us that in the 80's and early 90's Golden Girls, Murder She Wrote, and Cagney & Lacey all ran at the same time. You could also add Murphy Brown and Star Trek Voyager to the list of shows with female leads over 40. Sadly though the current lack of older women on television is stark. Bar Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda's spectacular performances in Grace & Frankie or Robin Wright in House of Cards, there is hardly any representation outside of Netflix of women who aren't nubile, white 21-year-old starlets fresh off the Disney circuit, and certainly not in any sexual or romantic capacity. As Tara joked "Ew. It might be all cobwebby in there."
What I found so powerful about her lecture was her plea at the end for all of us, especially the younger us's in the audience, to start to question our own ageist views, not for her own vanity, but for ourselves. Time and gravity will shred all our bodies, and it's so important that we begin to accept and love them rather than constantly looking at them as a never-ending project to try to beat time, because we won't. None of us will. And unfortunately film studios, television networks, and music producers are moving at a glacial pace when it comes to being more inclusive of diversity and sex positivity, so we've really no choice but to do it for ourselves.
You can read Tara's fabulous weekly column over on Headstuff.org.
]]>Wand vibrators like the Smartwand are probably the most obvious as they were originally marketed as back massagers. However it didn't take us long to figure out what else they excelled at doing. In fact when I see videos about wand massagers like the one below - published just 2 years ago - that completely ignores the fact that it's one of the world's most popular vibrators, I have to laugh/throw serious side-eye. I'm actually encountering more and more 20-somethings now in the past few years who exclaim "My vibrator doubles as a really good back massager!"
Speaking of vibrators, did you know they can be used on penises too? Some people really enjoy the sensation of vibrations on the head and frenulum. After all penises are the masculine equivalent of the clitoris. It can be an especially great solution for folks with limited mobility or those with erectile disfunction, because it provides direct, intense stimulation without any strenuous wrist and arm movement.
Similarly some typically male masturbation toys can work a treat for vulva owners! The Tenga Egg for example, can be turned inside out so that the texture is on the outside. By placing it on your 4 fingers and adding a bit of lube, it adds a new dimension to manual stimulation either alone or with a parter. You can also use it over the top of a lot of vibrators as well.
There are many reasons why some women and trans men might not enjoy deep vaginal penetration whether it's for medical reasons like endometriosis or vaginismus or just personal preference. You may also just want to change up the routine. For this, I like to recommend using an anal plug like the Fun Factory Bootie or the Njoy Pure Plug vaginally. Most are curved, so they should rub nicely against the bottom of the G-spot while giving a comfortable, shallow amount of penetration. Hold a vibrator against the base for extra sensation.
The possibilities with sex toys are really endless. For more resources and ideas for how to use your sex toys creatively, I like to read Oh Joy Sex Toy, Hey Epiphora, and A Femme Cock.
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Yesterday after a lavish launch party in New York on Monday night, Swedish sex toy brand Lelo launched their Hex condom - a product they had been promoting for months through social media advertising and their e-newsletter as “The World’s First Re-engineered condom.”
When I first read that they were designing a condom, I knew there were many paths and opportunities that Lelo could take that would push them to the fore and further establish themselves as a leading sexual wellness brand. I began to fantasize about what I would do if I were in charge at Lelo and had access to their large, Lelo-sized budget.
I began to conjure up images of working with the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation to help some of their grant recipients from 2013 get FDA approval and bring their condom designs to market. Maybe they could team up with UNAIDS to help promote and execute their 2016-2021 strategy. Perhaps they could then follow suit with brands like Sir Richards, Sustain, and FairSquared who have all taken the ethical/ vegan/ or fair-trade route. I somehow suspected with a name like Hex, that the counter-intuitive honeycomb shape would be incorporated into the design somehow, but I could forgive them that if their messaging was clear and positive. Sadly though, I also suspected that that wouldn’t be the case.
The reason for my skepticism has come from a long line of Lelo flops, miscalculations, and disappointments. It’s painful to watch a company I’ve loved for years, who built their empire on a strong foundation of beautiful, functional vibrators - ones which still outsell much of the competition today - squander its reputation on gimmicky gadgets and bad, sometimes even misogynistic marketing.
Some may say that it started a long time ago when Lelo introduced 24-karat gold plated sex toys. However I’d argue that manufacturing that range was well worth it for all the coverage they received when Beyonce allegedly bought one from Babeland in New York. For me rage and disappointment started a few years back when they released a toy called Ida. An internal/external remote controlled vibrator, the Ida was being heavily pushed as a couples’ toy. But after having seen it, I vowed never to stock it in my shop for fear that every single one would be returned with the message “This isn’t a sex toy. It’s a vibrating door handle!”
Lelo later introduced the Ora, a now infamous oral sex simulator, which was not only loud but it’s main oral-sex-simulating component - a rotating, silicone-covered nub - would get stuck the second it came in contact with any part of the body. I have yet to meet 1 person who enjoyed the Ora. In fact, presumably realising it was so bad, they felt compelled to release a version 2.0 less than a year after the original was launched.
Then followed the Hula beads - the €179 remote controlled kegel beads; the Wave range of vibrators, which promised to give a “come hither” motion, but I just found to be incredibly unpleasant and almost painful; an accompanying film project called “Beyond the Wave” starring Caspar Van Dien, which there is no longer any mention of on Lelo’s web site apart from 1 press release (that I had to search for) from when it was announced the film would be shown at Cannes.
After this Lelo built up hype and then released a number of male-centric toys and accessories including a penis tuxedo (I’m not even joking) and a cock-ring which was marketed specifically to bankers and came with cuff-links and a money clip engraved with the phrase “Always Be Closing.” Apart from the amusing fact that Glengarry Glen Ross was about real estate agents not bankers, the campaign for said cock ring was nothing short of a nightmare. It’s promotional video is a fast-paced slideshow that shows a faceless male protagonist in a business suit enjoying a lavish, party lifestyle complete with popping bottles of champagne, boning hot faceless women, and getting into a fist fight before being thrown out of the club.
From an outsider’s perspective, it looks like Lelo are really struggling to reinvent themselves and decide what their brand values are, troubling since this global brand was founded nearly 15 years ago. On the one hand you have these couples-focused toys with all their remote controls and vibrators that are meant to be worn during intercourse. On the other hand, they’re also trying to bring in the single, narcissistic tech-bro demographic. Even with the Pino, the cock-ring for bankers, they have changed tack since its launch, now referring to it as a “couples ring.”
To make matters worse, these launches are happening on the regular. Instead of taking their time and investing in R&D, they churn out products every few months. As a small, independent retailer, I have to judge whether or not a product is going to sell based on its functionality and price point. I’ve passed up on a lot of these new toys, especially since last Fall when they raised their wholesale prices. To stay competitive, I’ve had to drastically lower my margin, which means if I am going to stock a product, I have to know 100% that it’s going to be worth it to my customer. Ireland is a very small country, and people like to talk if they feel that a company are taking the piss.
This brings us back to Hex. I had such high hopes and yet knew in the pit of my stomach that I’d be left disappointed. Finally yesterday morning, I awoke to the news that the spokesman for Hex condoms, of ALL the potential excellent brand ambassadors out there, of ALL the people in the world come to think of it… they chose Charlie Sheen. Yes Charlie Sheen. The same Charlie Sheen who has a history of domestic violence, drug & alcohol abuse, and who is currently under investigation for stalking and threatening to kill his former fiancee. Just let that sit with you for a moment.
Then we move onto the product itself. Bryan Menegus from Gizmodo was at the launch Monday night and wrote an outstanding review, so there’s no point in me rattling on about the same things as him, but there was one aspect of the Hex that caught my eye for all the wrong reasons. One of Hex’s main selling points is its strength. As Menegus points out, Lelo demonstrate this by poking holes in a stretched out condom. Compared to a regular, non-honeycombed condom, the Hex maintains it’s shape and does not completely tear apart.
But as most of you already know, condoms don’t typically break because someone is stretching them out and poking tiny holes in them. They tear because the wearer didn’t pinch the reservoir when rolling it down or because of too much friction and not enough moistness. I worry that in practice if these tears are small enough to remain in one tiny hexagonal cell, that they might be too small to see. Thus causing the wearer and their partner to think they’re protected, which can have very real consequences - the kind that Lelo and Charlie Sheen (cringe...those two names together still don’t sound right to me) are trying to prevent.
Menegus mentions in his piece that a Lelo representative showed him that at the base of the unrolled Hex condom the word “Respect” is printed in small relief. When asked what it meant, the Lelo rep replied “Respect the man who wears it.” I think that single statement, even if it wasn’t the official party line, perfectly and succinctly sums up Lelo’s mentality behind this product launch: Respect for the fucker, not the person getting fucked.
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I have been training and performing circus and aerial since 2012. As Ireland is so small, I found the communities of circus and burlesque mixing many times. I originally just attended the burlesque shows, watching the performers and their creativity on stage. But soon I found myself wanting to bring my circus skills and fine art practice into the shows.
To be honest, it never felt like one big "I am going to be a burlesque performer now" situation, rather I fell into it very naturally and learned just how hard burlesque was.
I was coming to burlesque from a very disciplined aerial training background and, at the time, a lot of the shows and performances I enjoyed were all of a showboating nature, playing with my love of the idea of being a super human.
Eventually I became to realise just how much the two worlds of circus and burlesque need each other to strive and move forward. I moved on from my hippy look of not caring what exactly I was wearing on stage to really putting in a lot of time and attention into the very last details of a costume.
I also really appreciated a lot of the burlesque performers’ work ethics and organisational skills in running skills and promoting themselves.
It wasn't until I decided to do my first, purely burlesque routine, without a circus prop or a clown nose that I learnt that burlesque was really fucking hard, but when you work hard it can be amazing.
To be honest, one could say this is a never ending list! It seems the more I learn about burlesque the more styles and genres I learn about!
When I first started to get interested in burlesque I knew there to be Classic Burlesque which would generally be what one might think of when they hear the word, Neo Burlesque which tells a story or a parody and Gorelesque which, to make short, is when Burlesque meets Halloween.
Now, a few years on, the different styles and genres of burlesque seem to be ever growing and more than inviting. You have Boylesque – The name given to when males perform burlesque, Nerdlesque – burlesque that focuses on characters from comic books, games, sci-fi, etc., Polesque – when you combine Pole Dancing and burlesque, Comedy, Circus, Drag, Queerlesque and more! The list really could go on and I feel like I discover a new style each day!
Currently the style I am most drawn to and enjoy (aside from circus) is Neo Burlesque. Going by the Miss Burlesque International guidelines Neo Burlesque is a parody or tells a story within the act. I would say in Ireland it would more than likely be the first style of burlesque you will see if you go to a burlesque show. Ireland tends to have a lot of freedom with performers getting booked for their names more than their acts so it can seem like they are constantly producing new acts each time.
I particularly enjoy Neo Burlesque as it grants me the opportunity to deliver my point of view on issues I feel strongly about to the audience, as well as allowing me the opportunity to bring in my circus and clowning skills. The act I just did at the Hebden Bridge Burlesque Festival is my Birth of Venus act where I use the goddess of love, sex and desire herself to show just how amazing female body hair can be.
I honestly can't speak any higher of the Dublin Burlesque community. I threw Fifi into the deep end last year when I debuted my Burlesque persona in the Miss Burlesque Ireland Grand Finals. The competition itself has aided in making the community even stronger than it was before, and granted me the opportunity to meet and get to know some of the best names in Ireland.
I am actually a naturally shy and introverted person. It takes a lot of energy to push myself out into situations where I am not familiar with the scene, as I imagine quite a number of people can be. I often found that I could become so overwhelmed by the spectacles of the shows that it took some time before I could bring myself to talk to people afterwards. Once I began introducing myself and letting people put a face to my name I became to realise just how warm and welcoming everyone in the community are.
There are good opportunities to help yourself develop as a performer in the scene as well. There are 3 big burlesque festivals Dublin, Belfast and Galway, which happen yearly or bi yearly, and all hold a newcomer category in their events. The Dublin Burlesque Festival also run “Up and Coming”, a open stage orientated burlesque night which allows performers to get feedback on acts from invited guests and Tease-O-Rama in Belfast holds a newcomer and new material night each year. Scarlet Nymph, who runs Dr. Sketchy’s Ireland, also organises an Irish Burlesque Mentorship program where you apply for a mentor with your intentions and they personally mentor you for free for a few months of the year.
The Burlesque Mammy (or Mom) is also a common situation that happens in the scene all throughout the world where a more senior burlesque performer will take you under their wing and help advise you or even just have the chats when they can.
I like to believe Fifi has two main Mammies. Bella A Gogo is a dear friend and phenomenal Irish performer. She naturally became my burlesque mum and I don’t think she realises just how much I appreciate all of the support she has given me and just how much of an inspiration she is. The other, who I call my Sparkle Mammy, is Azaria Starfire, who also just so happens to be the Producer of Miss Burlesque Ireland. Throughout all my Burlesque journey she has provided just fountains of advice and is someone I love seeking one-on-one lessons with. The one-on-one lessons are another way I have gotten to know the community and just how supportive it can be.
Coming up to competitions getting someone to review my routines and help me develop them has been vital. It’s very easy to become incubated in yourself when creating an act and sometimes you just need an outside voice to tell you if an idea is good or not. I like to joke that I take them to have someone shout at me, but everyone I’ve done a one-on-one with has just been so helpful and we have so much fun throughout!
I had an amazing one on one session with Tom Riddle of the Big Spender Boys recently which went so well that 2 hours somehow turned into 5 hours! If you ever need someone to help you look good and polish up an act I highly recommend him.
Everyone in the community wants to help you get better because if you get better then Ireland gets better and that is a really positive feeling.
Usually I train for a minimum of 2 hours a day, 5 days a week for circus and Burlesque. My burlesque training routine would be the easiest one. I warm up my body and then beat out the song of an act I am developing on repeat. I then try to incorporate dance moves, ideas, characters etc. into the song and film myself in the process.
Filming has been such a key element in the process of creating a burlesque routine as it grants the opportunity to review my routines and see what works well with the song and what does not!
My circus training routine is a bit more vigorous and involves a lot of conditioning. Generally when I am training for aerial I will go into the specialised training space and warm myself up for half an hour or more. This involves running, cardio, stretching, core workouts, you name it! Anything to get the muscles ready to go as it is so important to ensure you do not damage your body.
Then, depending on the time I have, I spend time conditioning on the equipment, move onto working on particular moves and finally I will work on my repertoire.
This can change depending on what I would like to achieve for the day, I love playing and experimenting with the equipment and finding new ways to make movement on and off the apparatus interesting.
Unfortunately, my current training schedule has had to take an unexpected interruption. In October 2015, another driver ran into the back of my car. My car - my primary mode of transport for getting to gigs and training - was written off, and I suffered severe whiplash. I had to take three months off any form of training due to my injuries, which drove me crazy! Currently I can handle two days a week before my whiplash starts acting up which is frustrating when you use your body to make your art!
Building and designing costumes is one of my favourite parts of creating a burlesque performance. It is such a vital element to the routine and helps define who your persona and what your act is to the audience.
My costuming skills are ones I’ve taught myself over the years through trial and error. I used to make my own clothes when I was a teenager and I enjoyed knitting and embroidery.
Getting crafty and creating something physical is just one of the things I find makes me extremely happy, which is probably why I was so drawn to studying Sculpture in the National College of Art and Design. I love to build things and will designate whole days or weekends just to sit down and sew or glue.
I personally rhinestone each of my shiny costumes, a task which takes hours to finish. My silver costume for my classic routine at this year's Miss Burlesque Ireland competition currently has 10,000 rhinestones and counting. The gloves themselves have taken a whole season of RuPaul's Drag Race to complete (though it probably would have only take half a season if I didn't get caught up in the drama of the queens!)
I am also in the middle of creating an ugly duckling costume which has approximately 500 individual feathers, feather fans, a moving beak, and webbed feet. I like to be as cost efficient as possible when creating outfits so I would normally sketch out what I want to create, envision the routine if I don't already have it finished and work out what I need to order online. I also try to plan as far in advance as possible as sometimes items can take up to 6 weeks to arrive!
When you see a costume that looks spectacular on stage you can be guaranteed that it took months of planning and preparation just to achieve that look for a spectacular 5 minute routine on stage.
There are of course many fabulous designers and costume suppliers throughout Ireland who you can commission to create your dream look for you. My favourite leotard for my Melancholic clown and Happy Aerialist act was created by Fi Bourke of Fi Bourke Design, after sharing a Pinterest board with her of what I wanted to achieve. My time was very short and I don't own an over locker (a special type of sewing machine designed to sew stretch material) so had to call upon her skills to help create my vision. Fi is a pioneer of pole and competition wear. As well as getting to finally own one of her designs I was quite happy to be supporting a local Irish business. There are of course other fantastic costume designers in Ireland, and although making your own adds to creating a truly unique costume it's always nice to treat yourself to something nice and sparkly.
I would always advise to do your research in designers out there before investing. You could get someone who makes spectacular red carpet dresses but might not have a clue how costumes for aerial performers or burlesque performers need to be made. (I'll give you a clue, they need to be able to move, durable and easy to get out of!)
When it comes to act development there are a few ways I go about it. I can get inspired by a particular song but usually what happens is I decide on a specific theme or point I want to portray in an act. I then research the character or theme I have chosen the act to be based on and then begin to work on the costume. (Sometimes the costumes can come first though!) Then once I have a good visualisation of how I want the act to be perceived and which skills I would like to use I begin the long hunt for suitable music.
I generally edit the music myself as it helps give me a better understanding of the track or tracks I am choosing to use. Then, finally, I combine all the elements together and begin to film the process for review.
So, Miss Burlesque Ireland 2015 saw the birth of Fifi La Roux. I was young, I was cocky and in comparison to now, I had no clue what I was doing.
When I saw the first ever Miss Burlesque Ireland in 2014 I think it was the moment when I fell completely in love with the scene and what it can achieve. It was at this point I decided to enter the competition the following year.
Fifi had been an idea in my mind as I had wanted to expand my performing repertoire into Burlesque and after seeing the standard of Burlesque at the very first Miss Burlesque Ireland I knew that that was how I wanted to debut her.
I then went and researched Miss Burlesque Australia, which is where the competition originated from. Miss Burlesque Australia is an internationally renowned competition, founded in 2009 with its very first completion being held in Queensland Australia, 2010.
The competition was set up in Australia for the same reason it was set up in Ireland, to present performers with a platform to promote themselves and develop as artists and performers. Azaria Starfire, who is the producer of Miss Burlesque Ireland, competed in Miss Burlesque Australia herself in 2012 and decided to bring the competition home with her to help the Irish scene grow.
As I researched the rules and past performers of the competition I began to realise just how much effort I needed to put into my own costumes and routines. I researched Classic Burlesque moves such as the Walk, the Shimmy and the Bump & Grind.
This all led to the creation of my very first burlesque routines; a classic fan dance which I call the Golden Classic, and my award winning Birth of Venus act. I was still very cutesy and shy on stage and had not quite developed who Fifi La Roux was meant to be.
It was a fantastic experience and I really could have not asked for a better way to start my burlesque career. I learned a lot about myself and realised just how much work I needed to put in to be successful.
I’m very inspired by what I experienced at the Hebden Bridge Burlesque Festival and I’m already diving head first into preparations for this year's Miss Burlesque Ireland competition (I’m rhinestoning a glove as we speak!)
The preliminary heat for MBI is in the Tivoli Theatre on May 28th 2016 and Fifi would love everyone to come and support her in this year’s competition. The judges will choose 5 performers to compete in the Grand Finals in Miss Burlesque Ireland on July 23rd and the 6th finalist is audience choice! So it really does matter who comes to show support.
Last year Miss Burlesque Ireland gave me such a great platform to be able to go off and perform around Ireland and the UK that I simply had to come back a year later from my debut and show the burlesque community just how much Fifi La Roux has grown. She's no longer a cutesy shy newbie doing burlesque on stage for the first time, Fifi is back and she is ready to show everyone that she is a W.O.M.A.N.
You can find tickets for the Miss Burlesque Ireland Semi Finals and Grand Finals via Eventbrite
Last night marked my first big television appearance on RTE. I was invited onto their latest series, Dr. Pixie's Sex Clinic, to talk about sex toys - the different kinds, what they're for, and the stigma that's still sometimes attached to using them. The whole vibe of the show was so open and fun. Pixie herself was warm and chatty, cracking jokes with the group when the cameras weren't rolling. The group of 20-somethings in this episode were devastatingly witty and already had great knowledge base on sexuality and sexual health. I was really impressed.
I was most surprised though at just how much I was allowed and encouraged to talk about. When I give talks or write about sex, I do my best to tailor it to a particular audience. After all what a group of college students thinks is interesting will probably be different from what a group of women over 40 might find interesting, or perhaps a tent full of hungover festival goers. So when Coco Television invited me to take part in a new show about sex for RTE, I was worried that I'd really have to censor and tame a lot of what I'd like to say. I was delighted that the exact opposite was true.
The producers and director were very encouraging and kept asking for more!
It was an absolute dream! And watching the first episode last week, it felt like something truly special. Never before on Irish television have I seen such open, in depth discussions about sex. Seriously. They had illustrations of two people scissoring. They talked at length about spit roasting! Between each segment are clips of college students in a SEX CONFESSIONAL BOOTH, admitting to the whole country what they get up to between the sheets! While this may just be a small, 3-part series on RTE2, it feels like a milestone.
After last night's episode aired, I couldn't help but think about Gay Byrne talking about contraception on the Late Late Show some 20-odd years ago, which caused uproar and outrage. It's been nearly 24 hours since I masturbated a silicone dildo on our national broadcaster, and no one has so much as batted an eyelid at it. As far as Ireland's views on sexual activity are concerned... I think we're going to be just fine.
]]>On Saturday myself and my partner, Paddy, packed our bags and headed for Cork where Sex Siopa was in the finals for the Small/Medium Enterprise Awards, and I'm so excited to let you all know that we won Best Online Retailer for the Irish Market! I'm absolutely over the moon as this is the 2nd year in a row that Sex Siopa has won. I put so much hard work into building Sex Siopa and making it the most trusted place to buy sex toys in Ireland, so it's best feeling in the world to be recognised for that effort.
However I'd love to use this opportunity to highlight a few of the other fabulous small businesses who won on the night, because I was blown away by how talented and sound they all were and I'd love to recommend them!
The Irish Biltong company, winners of Best Family Run Business, make high protein, low fat beef snacks from their own cattle in Co. Kildare. They're especially popular amongst sports teams and athletes. John and Noreen Doyle both come from farming backgrounds and supply their products to butchers and Supervalu's across the country!
Axis Ballymun are an Arts and Community Centre in the heart of Ballymun. You may have seen some of their excellent work with the Dublin Theatre Festival! Along with all their theatrey stuff, they also have a massive dance studio, an art room that runs classes and hosts a local printing group, and rehearsal space for musicians. Axis Ballymun is a vital resource for the Northside community, and I'm delighted they won the Award for Most Community Minded Business.
(Myself and Blaise battling it out to see who can blow up an inflatable banana the fastest)
Blaise Harvey of Cycle Inishowen took home the prize for Most Environmentally Minded Business, and it's not hard to see why. Cycle Inishowen have been committed to going the extra mile (forgive the pun) to make sure that every aspect of their business practices are as eco-friendly as possible. They only use biodegradable cleaning products and energy from renewable resources. They also donate their bikes to charity at the end of their life, so they don't end up in a landfill. And just in case you thought you couldn't love them anymore, to date they've donated over 200 native trees to Tidy Towns Associations around their local area!
Bean in Dingle & Dingle Crystal
(Getting photo bombed by Justin's mother!)
This is a wonderful success story for the town of Dingle. Two brilliant family owned businesses just a few doors down from each other took home awards on the night: Bean in Dingle, whose obsession with quality coffee led owner Justin to win Best Under 30's after just 9 months in business; and Dingle Crystal, winner of Best Online Retailer for Export, who not only have a former Waterford Crystal master craftsman at the helm, but also give tours and demonstrations. Both are doing Dingle proud!
For a full list of winners and finalists, please take a look at SMEawards.ie.
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This piece was written for and originally published by the UCD College Tribune. It is my last article for them this year. It's been such a pleasure working with them. You can read their paper at collegetribune.ie
Over the last year or so, there’s been much talk about what forms the 1916 Centenary commemorations would take, who can be included, and how they can be included. Some felt there shouldn’t be any mention on Glasnevin Cemetery memorial wall of British soldiers who died in the rising. Others argued that any events should first be approved by the government.
I recently saw Trinity Student Union President and Seanad candidate, Lynn Ruane, speak recently in Liberty Hall about how she felt as a youngster that 1916 wasn’t for her; that because of her working class background, she felt disconnected to it. I sometimes feel the same, but for different reasons. Despite living in Dublin for 11 years - my entire adult life to be precise - and holding an Irish passport, the most noticeable thing about me will always be my American accent. Admittedly this part of myself at worst, results in minor frustrations when I’m told over and over that I’ll “never understand,” because I didn’t grow up here; or when a taxi driver tries to go the scenic route because he thinks I’m a tourist.
Sadly though, the part I feel mosts disconnects me from the Rising, and in particular our Proclamation, is the fact that I’m a woman. Now I’ve nothing bad to say about the Proclamation itself. Like most I’d agree that it’s a beautifully worded document ahead of it’s time in terms of including women. I’m sad that those words were quickly ignored after Ireland gained independence, and apart from voting rights, women all but lost their newfound freedom. Our Constitution squarely places our societal role in the home as mothers, which has had tragic consequences ever since and still affects us today.
As the run up to the commemorations approached, I started to think about how I, an American-born sex shop owner could celebrate in my own way. I wanted to celebrate the strides we’ve taken in the past 25 years for sexual freedom. We’ve made condoms legal without prescription; decriminalised homosexuality; made divorce and same sex marriage legal; and we now allow people to self-identify their own gender. These are incredible achievements, but we’ve still a long road ahead of us.
I also wanted to highlight the fact that I and scores of women in this country do not feel equal without bodily autonomy. I don’t feel equal, because I’m not trusted to make a choice about what’s best for me and my life. So I chose to use my platform as a small business owner to create something that would give a nod to how far Ireland has come, but also how much work still needs to be done.
I got in touch with the wonderful women at BS Atelier, a studio in Madrid that handmakes silicone sex toys, to ask if they would make the Irish flag dildo of my dreams. They were only too delighted to be involved with the project. I decided that I would like to donate €5 from each sale to the Abortion Rights Campaign, and on Thursday the 17th, St. Patrick’s Day, I launched the toy. I waited nervously for backlash, but apart from a few garden variety twitter trolls telling me I should be deported, the response was hugely positive, and the story was picked up by a number of media outlets. That disconnect that I was feeling before started to melt away and I began to feel like more of an active participate in my adopted country’s commemorations.
From the very beginning my plan for Sex Siopa has been to help change Ireland’s attitudes towards sex and work towards creating a more open, sex positive environment. However it doesn’t matter how many dildos I make, I cannot do this on my own. Without trying to sound too sickly sweet about it, it’s going to take the lot of us - especially you young university folk - to make Ireland the sexually empowered utopia of the future that we want it to be.
There’s plenty of ways to go about doing this - admittedly some sexier than others - but all are equally important. Read as much as you can! Reading is sexy and knowledge is power. The more you educate yourself about sex, the better you’ll be able to understand your own sexuality and that of your partners’. Write to your local TD’s and let them know that gender equality, including repealing the 8th Amendment, is important to you.
And finally: be kind to yourselves and eachother. Treat others with respect. Don’t shame them for the types of people or activities they’re into, and equally don’t let others shame you for those things either. Stop asking yourself if your body, kinks, lack of kinks, sexual identity, frequency with which you bone is normal. No one is normal. Our bodies as well as our myriad combinations of sexual turn-ons are all different. That’s what makes us sexy!
A couple years ago, a friend of mine suggested I apply for the IEDR Optimise Fund. My first thought was "What's an IEDR and why is their fund optimised?"
The IEDR are the .IE Domain Registry, the people who look after all the .ie domain names. Part of their job is to promote local businesses with a .ie and to encourage more Irish SME's to bring their business online. To do that they've set up a yearly competition called the Optimise Fund. They choose 15 winners who receive €10,000 worth of consultancy to help further develop their websites.
Sex Siopa won for 2014, and it was an incredible experience! They paired us with Drew Shiel from Elucidate Consultancy who was not phased at all when Paddy and I told him we wanted to be trained up on SEO & Analytics rather than just give him the website to work on and give it back to us when it's done. We took away so much invaluable information that has helped us better understand our website and where we needed improvement. I was never really a web-dev type person, so Drew's patience with me was much appreciated.
The following January, they had a ceremony in the Shelbourne where our awards were presented to us by Minister Alex White. That's right. That's a sex shop owner.... having her photo taken with a government minister!
Even if you don't win, the IEDR folks are so sound! They're there to help, so if you have any questions regarding your .ie or getting one set up, definitely get in touch with them. I can't recommend them enough.
The IEDR are accepting applications for the Optimise Fund till April 8th. It's super easy to fill out and you can find it here.
]]>Does your Netflix & chill game leave something to be desired? Are you binge watching the new season of Daredevil with Bae on an uncomfortable, lumpy couch? Allow Sex Siopa to sort you out!
The Úr Snug is a collaboration between ourselves and our friends at Buddabag who worked with us to create our own exclusive range. The Lelo Mia is one of the world's best rechargeable mini-vibes. It's vibrations are incredibly strong and it's small, sleek shape means it's both stylish and discreet. It's also USB rechargeable so you can charge it on any computer or iPhone socket.
The two together make for a perfect date night!
Delivery time for the Úr Snug is between 24-48hrs, so if you order today, you'll have yours in time for the weekend!
]]>There's lots of types of lubricants out there, and like we talked about in a previous blog post, it's a highly underrated personal condiment that we don't talk about nearly enough! There's different kinds, different textures, different ingredients, so before you pick one (or 2) out for yourself, it's best to know what kinds of sexy activities you want it for.
No matter what you buy though, I always recommend getting a lubricant that is free from Glycerin, Parabens, and Propylene Glycol!
Glycerin is a type of sugar that's used in many lubricants as a preservative, and can throw the vagina's pH off balance resulting in yeast infections, especially if you're prone to them. Parabens are in loads of cosmetic products have been known to cause allergic reactions. There have been links to Parabens and breast cancer, but nothing conclusive yet. Propylene Glycol is used as a humectant to make a lube, typically water based, slippery and keep it from drying out. Unfortunately that's known for causing allergic reactions as well. This is why I've decided to only stock lubricants like Sliquid & Yes which are free from those ingredients. I also love them because they are both organic; Sliquid is 100% vegan, and Yes is Vegetarian Society approved.
When you're choosing a lubricant, there are three main types that you'll come across - water based, oil based, and silicone.
Water based - Water based lubricant is the most common. It's a good all-rounder because it's safe to use with all types of toys and latex barriers. If someone isn't sure which type of lube is best for them, I always recommend a water based lubricant. One common complaint about water based lubes, however, is that they can dry out and go tacky more easily than other types of lubes. While this is true, you can always add a couple drops of water to the area, and that should reactivate the lubricant. I stock several water based lubricants with varying degrees of slipperiness. From the most basic to the most slippy: Sliquid H2o, Sliquid Satin, Yes Water based, Sliquid Organics Natural, Sliquid Sea, Sliquid Organics Natural Gel. While all these are excellent for most types of sexy fun, when it comes to anal I'd only recommend the Sliquid Sea and Sliquid Organics Natural Gel. Our butts don't lubricate naturally the way vaginas do, so you'll need something with a higher viscosity that will last a lot longer.
Silicone - Silicone lubricant is made from silicone oils. It's VERY slippery and generally lasts the longest. It's safe to use with latex barriers and non-silicone toys. Never use a silicone lubricant with silicone toys as silicone molecules will want to bond with each other and that will cause your toy to degrade. If you really like silicone lube though, you can always pop a condom over your toy to protect it. The other downside to silicone lubes is that it takes a long time to wash off in the shower and can also stain your sheets! Because of this, I've chosen to only stock Sliquid Silk which is a silicone/water based hybrid. It's still incredibly slippery, but has a much nicer texture that's easier to clean off. In fact it feels very similar to the vagina's natural lubrication, so it's one of our most popular lubes.
Oil Based - Oil based lube is the thickest of the 3. It can come in loads of different forms from a massage-type oil, to a cream, or even a buttery consistency. It's brilliant for things like mastubation and hand jobs. The loveliest bit about an oil based lubricant is that it's long-lasting and absorbs into the skin. It's important to note though that oil lubes break down latex so are NOT condom safe! They can be used with toys made from bodysafe materials like silicone and hard plastic. However it's been documented that oils cause PVC / Jelly toys to degrade and leach chemicals at a much faster rate. So chuck that nasty PVC toy you got a hen party and get yourself a safe, sexy one. For oil based lubricant, I stock Yes Oil Based. It's a gorgeous buttery texture that melts in your hands. Yes is the preferred brand of the NHS and many physiotherapists here in Ireland.
For a more in depth look into the chemistry and viscosity of different lubes, I highly recommend this blog post by Seattle-based sex educator Lorax.
]]>An investigation into the incident has yielded no evidence of the groups existence. However the response to this story and to the topic of sharing nude photos in general has been very telling of the attitudes many people in Ireland have towards young women. As Jack Power said in his last article:
“Those who attacked this insidious and potentially illegal behavior were subjected to a backlash from others studying Agricultural Science, who claimed they were being unfairly tarnished for the actions of a minority.”
It shows a disgusting lack of empathy and maturity that when an issue like this is raised, the concern is with defending the reputation of the department and not with the women, who may have been sexually violated. When interviewed by the Journal, UCD registrar Professor Mark Rogers said that "Despite his investigation dismissing the claims made by the College Tribune, he is 'not so naïve as to believe that the university community is immune to this type of activity.'”
Louise O’Neill, author of the award winning novel Asking For It, posted about the scandal on Twitter and her Facebook page. While most comments were supportive, some were as shocking as the original news itself. One person dubbed her post as “Feminist propaganda,” and that “we’re all equal so I’d disagree with you pushing the victim card.” Another claimed that it was the women’s fault for “[sending] nudes to men they barely know.” He went on to blame pop stars and the media for having a bad influence on young women.
When Trinity announced recently that consent classes were going to be made mandatory for First-years living in Trinity Hall, there was outcry in many a comment section that this was the ever-clichéd “political correctness gone mad.” However as this situation at UCD points out, mandatory consent classes for first-years is the least our universities could be doing. Fortunately it looks as though consent classes may be on the cards for all UCD students starting from next fall.
But the onus should not completely be left on our third-level institutions. Our social media platforms, as the gatekeepers for content, have a social responsibility to protect its users. Unfortunately when a laddish culture that exists in our colleges permeates the organisations we’ve become dependent on to communicate with each other, that protection starts to feel rather unbalanced, especially for women, and raises the question: who are we protecting?
Last month the Irish Family Planning Association approached me about participating in their Pearl of Wisdom Campaign to encourage women to go for regular cervical screenings. I decided to create a Facebook post about the campaign and boost it as an advertisement, both so that the message could reach more people, and to see if the post would be allowed. I was skeptical given that posts I’ve tried to boost previously, even something as innocuous as a interviews I’ve done for newspapers or magazines, have been denied. So when my campaign post was accepted, I was absolutely delighted.
The engagement was outstanding and really resonated with women who appreciated the reminder to get a cervical screening. It was liked and shared loads of times, and the message was spread to over 12,000 people. Then after 3 days of the post making the rounds, I received a message that my boost had been shut down. The reason they gave was that they do not allow ads for adult products or services. I reached out to Facebook to see what the issue was, and finally received a response last week explaining that it was probably the algorithm at fault as they believe the ad itself didn’t violate the terms of use.
A similar incident occurred last October when during Breast Cancer Awareness month when the Dublin Well Woman Centre had an ad denied, which showed women how to perform home breast exams. We’ve all heard stories about women’s breastfeeding photos being censored by facebook. Model Frankie Tan posted a photo of herself recently in full body paint which, while fully nude, covered enough as to not show any genitalia. However she too found her photo taken down.
When it comes to female bodies and women’s expressions of their own sexuality, it would seem that the default reaction is to shut us down first and ask questions later...maybe...only if we fight it, and even then it can feel like we’re talking to a wall. At the same time, groups that incite hatred, misogyny and racism are still allowed to exist and have a platform. In fact the Family Research Council as officially classified as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Centre. However the standard response to these largely male dominated groups, is to have a long debate about the importance of freedom of speech and then shut it down...maybe...only if enough people complain and sign a Change.org petition.
So if Facebook can censor public health messages and breastfeeding mothers with some of the most sophisticated social media algorithms in the world, why can’t they use those same algorithms to seek out and shut down disturbing, possibly criminal posts or groups? In the case of the UCD200, nude photos were allegedly shared in a private messaging group. This could be a tricky one to tackle due to privacy, but if they can analyze our private messages to advertise to us, surely they can do the same to scan for illegal activity.
I believe it’s down to priorities. What do we prioritise in our society? What do social media companies prioritise as being important? When the majority of people in power in an organisation are men, it’s much easier to put the concerns of women low on the priority list, but this doesn’t have to be the case. They could choose to do the right thing and make the effort to consult with women and then invest in progressively tweaking their algorithm. I, and I’m sure many more female social media users, would be happy to sit down with Facebook to discuss these issues, and I invite them to get in touch.]]>
Instead of setting up loads of tables for each couple, we served drinks and each course on one great big table and made everyone sit in a circle, forcing them to mingle and converse as a group. We wanted everything to be interactive, from the way the food was served to the decorations - origami hearts & birds as well as delicate paper Valentines from the 1920's - which I encouraged our diners to take home with them.
Our food for the evening was all fresh, local and purchased from the Temple Bar Farmers Market. Kevin walked us through eat ingredient of each course and told us about the farmers and suppliers behind our amazing meal. We got to hear the history behind many of these Irish businesses and the great things their doing with their foods today. Kevin also invited anyone who wanted to come pop their heads in the kitchen and watch him cook. Local wine sellers, Mitchell and Son, helped us pair our food with some beautiful red and white wines, which may or may not have all been drank before the main course!
At the end of the night, guests were treated to their choice of goodie bags full of sex toys or Sex Siopa gift certificates, which I hand-made after researching Victorian pop-up and collage Valentines from the turn of the century.
Below are some of the photos from the evening along. Hopefully we'll see you at the next one. If you'd like to sign up to the Sex Siopa newsletter at the bottom of this page, we'll keep you informed on any upcoming events. You can also stay up-to-date with Kevin's events on his site, Gruel Guerrilla.
My Victorian-inspired gift certificates
Tortelini starters
2nd course: Parsnip tempura
Main course: Goat tartare on rye toast with mini popcorn
Dessert: chocolate cakes with mini lavender meringues
]]>It’s a rather odd stigma, because it’s not rooted in the fact that it’s a product for sex, but in the fear that there is something unusual about needing it in the first place. Despite the fact that the vast majority of people will need or want to use lube at some point in their lives - KY’s annual turnover for 2013 was over €100 million and they recently purchased Durex for an estimated €400 million - there’s a weird, unspoken assumption that arousal equals not needing lube. Like most social issues, this is largely due in part to a lack of media representation. Sex scenes in film and television have gotten significantly better about showing couples reaching for condoms on the bedside locker, but not the slippery stuff. Sure they’re so enthralled by their passion, they’re immediately good to go. If it is mentioned it’s usually the butt of a joke, like the scene in Superbad where Jonah Hill’s character berates Michael Cera’s character for having spermicidal lube on hand.
This is not to say that lube isn’t funny. It totally is. The word sounds funny; lube itself sounds funny when you squeeze it out of the bottle. It’s a product that is ripe for comedic picking, but not having balanced representation leads to embarrassment and stigma amongst consumers that can have unintended consequences.
In her book, Come as You Are, Dr. Emily Nagoski explores the science of sexual desire and the studies that have been done on the topic over the past 25 years. What she has noticed is that traditional masculine desire - described in the book as a sudden or random metaphorical lightning bolt to the genitals that let’s us know we want sex now - is seen as the default, universal sexuality. It is only recently that people have started to recognise that the female sexual arousal cycle is much more complex and is often based on response to pleasure. However because society views male desire as the default, it can cause many women to feel like there is something wrong with their bodies. This can also have an effect on the partners of women, who may feel that if their female partner isn’t immediately wet that she isn’t turned on or that if she isn’t immediately turn on, that they’ve failed as lovers.
This lack of understanding of female sexuality is mirrored in the absence of any detailed description in sexual education of how the vagina works:“‘The vagina is designed to clean itself with natural secretions and should not require a ‘detox’....It contains good bacteria, which are there to protect it. If these bacteria are disturbed it can lead to infection, such as bacterial vaginosis or thrush, and inflammation.”
This quote is from Dr. Vanessa Mackay of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, who was speaking in reponse to seeing a product called ‘Womb Detox Pearls’ from a company called Embrace Pangaea.
Without proper sexual health education, companies can actually find a market for products like their Womb Detox Pearls, claiming that it’s various herbal ingredients play “key roles” in things like “strengthening the uterus, killing parasites…. tightening the vagina, regulating menstruation…. and improving fertility.”
Earlier this month Gynecologist Jen Gunter wrote a blog post about the womb pearls and since Mackay. Many people including Dr. Gunter are concerned about the risk of Toxic Shock Syndrome that may be associated with the detox. In response Embrace Pangaea published a blog post in their FAQ section stating that:
“The recent propaganda claiming that our Herbal Womb Detox Pearls can lead to Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) is purely a unfounded and baseless attack on another holistic product without merit.”
Despite this, Embrace Pangaea seem to have since added several warnings on their site encouraging customers to speak with their doctors and do their own research about holistic treatments. But while womb detoxes may sound like a rather niche product to be worried about, personal lubricant isn’t.
Just before the womb detox debacle kicked off, Dr. Gunter - along with Bioethicist and author, Alice Dreger; Epidemiologist Dr. Chelsea Polis; and several sex bloggers - was also involved in a lesser publicised, but equally important event that happened on Twitter. This group called out a company, Use To Believe, for claiming that its product, ProLube, could prevent HIV. While Use To Believe have since updated their website to say that ProLube should be used in addition to condoms to prevent HIV, there are still heaps of dubious medical claims on there.
I reached out to Dr. Polis about what happened. She says “Dr. Alice Dreger alerted me and others on Twitter about the ProLube situation. I spoke with the company on Twitter, to see if they had evidence to support their claims, and to find out if they understood that their misleading advertising could endanger public health.” After getting a far from satisfactory response from Use to Believe, Dr. Polis wrote a blog post urging people to file complaints with the Federal Trade Commission. Use to Believe soon changed their website to say that they do not sell to the United States.
So if not the US, then who is their target market? “Given that ‘Use To Believe’ promotes ProLube online – and in English – it is unclear what geographic areas they are actually targeting in addition to Asia, where they do claim to be selling ProLube,” says Dr. Polis. “The website and several Tweets also indicate that the company targets sex workers in particular.”
But this shouldn’t deter people from using lubricants that are healthy and don’t make unsubstantiated health claims. It’s an excellent tool to have in your sexual utility belt, as Dr Polis makes clear:
“Lube can enhance sexual pleasure and can help to protect health by reducing friction, so it is great that many options available! However, people should be aware that certain substances can weaken the strength of certain types of condoms. For example, oil-based lubricants should not be used with latex condoms, as it will degrade the strength of the condom, making it more likely to break or slip. Given that this can increase the risk of unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, people should be informed about what products are safe to use together.”
What we should take away from these two cases is that it’s absolutely imperative that we talk more openly about sex and sexual health in the public sphere and to demand evidence from companies who make medical claims about their products. Remember if sounds too good to be true, it probably is. By asking questions, and holding companies accountable for their products, we can help contribute to the regulation of an industry that is too often ignored.
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However last night I received a message on my phone that my ad - which I lovingly referred to as my “Public Cervix Announcement” and had been running for 3 days at this stage - had been unapproved. When I tried to appeal the decision made on my own ad, I was repeatedly shown a pop-up window that said my appeal could not be processed at this time.
I was upset, but by no means surprised. Back in October during Breast Cancer Awareness month, the Dublin Well Woman Centre encountered a similar problem with Facebook advertising when they tried to boost a post that showed women how to do a home breast exam. Their boost was also denied and it wasn’t until the problem was brought to the attention of the media that Facebook did anything about it.
Now as some of you may know I run an online sex shop, and as the IFPA invited me as a representative of my business to support their campaign via social media, the boosted post was made on my business’s page. Perhaps this is why they decided to deny my ad, but the post was not about my business. Ads like mine and the Well Woman Centre’s do not violate Facebook’s terms of use. Their advertising guidelines state that adult products and services are prohibited “...except for ads for family planning and contraception,” and the stuff they have allowed over the years like fat-shaming diet supplements and psychics, are absolutely appalling.
The most frustrating thing about Facebook allowing the ad to run for several days and then stopping it was the fact I was able to see that spending a few quid meant the post had been seen by over 11,000 people. I was pretty chuffed with this as a normal post on my page is only seen by 25-100 people, something that has been especially noticeable since Facebook changed their algorithms so business pages are hardly ever seen unless you can pay for ads.
While I cannot claim to know how their approval system works, it would seem that their algorithm ok’d it as there was nothing offensive in the ad, and a few days later, someone manually switched it off. As much as I would love to see Facebook make meaningful changes to their ad approval system, I have lost hope that they will. However I haven’t lost hope in people and their ability to promote change, especially here in Ireland.
Cancer has been a recurring theme in my life, and will sadly touch the lives of pretty much everyone at some point, whether it happens to you or a loved one. If you, like me, are a proud cervix owner between the ages of 25-60, please check if you’re due for a screening at CervicalCheck.ie and book one for free with your GP if you are. And of course be sure to encourage other cervix owners in your life to do the same! Thank you!
Sex Siopa's Dirty Secrets! - The Liquor Rooms - Feb 4th
I'll be joined by the hosts of the Trivial Cahoots podcast, Mark Cantan & Annie Gill, as well as Sex Researcher at DCU, Caroline Ryan for an evening of dirty talk, sex trivia, and agony auntery! This event is free, but you do need to register for tickets through Eventbrite, which you can do here. Due to ridiculous demand, I've had to add more tickets to the event. This is sure to be great craic!
Lupercalia - A History of Valentines through Food - Feb 12th
This very special dinner event will be held in a super secret Dublin city centre location which won't be revealed till the week before. Myself and chef Kevin Powell of Gruel Guerrilla have teamed up to create a 4-course meal based on the history, folk traditions, and mythology of Valentine's day. Guests will also be treated to a Sex Siopa goody bag with sexy treats worth over €40. Tickets are €50 and seats are very limited to be sure to book early.
Rocky Horror Picture Show Anti-Valentines - Feb 13th
And finally, as per usual, I'll be joining the fabulous weirdos of Rocky Horror Ireland at the Sugar Club to provide the prizes for best dressed. I'll also have my table, so you can pop down to treat yourself to some toys or just to say hello! Not only will you be able to sing along with the "Time Warp" and "Dammit Janet," you'll also be treated to a screening of a short indie film, and some sultry shimmies from resident burlesque artist Dottie Potts (aka Bella Agogo). Tickets to Rocky Horror are €15 and available on the Sugar Club's website.
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Every year in Ireland, about 300 women and trans men are diagnosed with cervical cancer and over 90 lives are lost. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've had several people in my life who have been given this diagnosis, all of which were young women under 35. Fortunately though, thanks to early detection and immediate treatment, all of them have made a full recovery.
January 24th-30th is the European Cervical Cancer Prevention Week and to mark it, the Irish Family Planning Association have partnered with CervicalCheck to launch their Pearl of Wisdom campaign. This week I'll be wearing my Pearl of Wisdom pin and talking to every cervix owner I meet about the importance of getting a cervical screening every 3 years.
Friends of mine beware: If you're in line for a mocha and I spot you, I will not hesitate to come over and have a chat about your cervix in front of the barista... and then I'll probably ask the barista when her last screening was as well. It's that important! Smear tests are free for all women aged 25-60 from a registered practitioner of your choice, and they only take 5 minutes, so you've no excuse. And just to be super handy, you can check when you're next due for a screening at CervicalCheck.ie.
If you'd like to do your bit for the Pearl of Wisdom campaign, I'd invite you to share this blog post wherever you can and/or use the hashtag #ShareTheWisdom on your favourite social media sites to highlight the issue and remind your mates to go get their smears done!
Here are some helpful resources both local and international about cervical cancer and cervical screenings. Please note that in Europe, doctors recommend to start coming in for regular cervical checks when you turn 25, and in the States, it's 21:
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