The "Lovely" cock ring that is the opposite of lovely.

by Shawna Scott June 12, 2015

Lovely is a word we use to describe cups of tea, warm duvets, a fluffy puppy, or random acts of kindness. As much as I love sex toys with all my heart, lovely is not a word I'd use to describe a cock ring, especially one that uses biofeedback to tell you you suck at sex. 

Can we please stop with the useless biofeedback trend in everything? I'm looking at you San Francisco! Unless there is an actual necessary medical application, like the Minna KGoal for example which was made to help women strengthen their pelvic floor, all these feedback app-enhanced toys serve no other purpose than to stroke the designer's ego. 

 

Everything about this Indiegogo campaign is douchey and condescending. It panders to Bro-grammers by using words & phrases like "geek-out!" and "serial entrepreneur." They also have the gall to claim that Lovely is the... 

"First in the world couples' sex toy designed to help you have a better sex life."

Right...because all those other sex toys out there were designed to grate cheese.

The app itself has no real use apart from novelty, at best. Using a bunch of tiny, pointless sensors crammed into the toy's head, it tracks your positions, thrusts, G-force (seriously?), and how many calories you've burned during each use. It then sets you goals and targets and suggests positions like a sexual physical trainer. While we might be interested after the first few uses to see how many calories we've burned whilst fucking, I doubt that many would continue to use the app and fuck the way it wants us to. Having our partner(s) tell us how they liked to be pleasured, that's hot. Having an app dirty talk to you with stats and metrics? ....nope! Surely it's better to get feedback from your real life human partner than your phone. 

"It seems like Ann really enjoyed that 69..." Thanks cock ring app!

There's also one part of the app that makes me cringe harder than a cringey thing - the Booty Call. Even typing it makes my skin crawl. You can use the app to send your partner a illustration of a sex position, reminiscent of a pocket Kama Sutra, to tell them you're on your way over. Again wouldn't a phone call or text, in your own words, get the blood pumping better than an app? Their video shows your average millennial tech industry guy working away at not really doing much on his laptop till he decides he's in "the mood." He then sends a Booty Call to his girlfriend who clearly has no real context or life of her own because she is literally sitting on the bed, beside a charging Lovely, waiting for our Hero to arrive home. 

This is all such a pity, because I actually really like the look of Lovely. It's a nice shape; can be used to stimulate a partner or yourself; and comes in four earth-tone, gender non-specific colours; as a stand alone toy, it could be great, but the video sadly shows the Lovely being 3D printed. Not only is this one more nail in the "Sure let's use this technology, because it's super trendy" coffin, but 3D printing just isn't that great for sex toys as it can leave them porous. It's not clear from the fundraising page whether the silicone exterior is 3D printed or just the internal shell. It lists the silicone itself as being medical grade, but that doesn't necessarily mean the method with which they produce the toy is medically safe. Until they clear that one up, I'll stick to my poured silicone toys, thank you very much. 

 





Shawna Scott
Shawna Scott

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